Taboo
by Solstice Muse
Summary: Another colab from Solstice Muse and The Steppy One writing as Ron and Hermione. Finally a couple, Ron joins Hermione for the simple task of bringing her parents back home with their memories returned. Somehow they end up one big messed up Granger family.
1. Intro

**Taboo**

**By Solstice Muse and The Steppy One**

I have of late, but for reasons too complicated to explain in in an opening sentence, found myself in an incestuous relationship.

No, not Ginny, that would be…

Sorry, I needed to go and brush my teeth and wash my hands. This is really more complicated than me actually…insert scary stuff we'll not put into my head right now… with Ginny.

I fell in love with this girl you see? I fell in love with this girl I've really liked for a long time. This girl was way out of my league as a girl I could go out with but she was also my friend and I felt as if I was good enough for that. I'm a good bloody friend.

Well, there are times when - NO! I mustn't because that way loses me a couple of fingernails and leaves me crying in the snow in front of my best friend.

I'm a good person to have as a friend because I will go into an obvious trap for you if you asked me to. I will walk into the pincers of giant murderous spiders because a great big softie asked me to in order to clear his name of crimes he didn't commit. I will stand between you and people who want to hurt you on a broken leg. I will get beaten up by a chess piece so you can save the world.

I will do all those things for my friends.

I think the only person who could ever have put up with me as a boyfriend would be somebody who has been a friend for years first.

She liked me back. She kissed me first. She loves me too.

We were ready for it to be hard. A rocky road with lots of rocks and very little road lay ahead but we never did walk the same path other couples did. It shouldn't have been a surprise. I'm not surprised, not really, not at all.

Well, okay, the fact that _something_ happened isn't a surprise. The fact that _this_ happened, I'm never gonna get my head around how this happened.

"Son?"

I look up and see the man hoping I can make time for him now that he has me back after having lost me for so long.

"Yes, Mr Granger?"

His face collapses into a look of hurt.

"Ron, please, stop doing that. I said I was sorry for not recognising who you where to me."

"Sorry…Dad."

* * *

So, things didn't exactly go as planned.

Ninety-eight percent of everything we had to do went swimmingly: the numerous international portkeys were all on time and took us to within inches of where they were supposed to, our two, small but vital pieces of luggage arrived ten seconds after us and exactly six feet away, liaising with the Australian Ministry of Magic was efficient and as expected and even finding the 'remote' village my mum and dad are living in was relatively easy.

You can imagine how I felt when I realised that the only thing that had failed to complete properly in this whole thing, was my spell work.

Ron can stand there all he wants and tell me that it wasn't my fault, but what he is failing to remember is that he's talking to me, Hermione Jean Granger, you know, the witch with the massive fear of failure.

Ron keeps talking about how our journey was never going to be an easy one and that we should just expect things to go wrong. He has a point, when have things ever been simple when it comes to us? But still, occasionally things have gone in the right direction and the correct outcome had appeared. Just not _this._ T_his_ being the one thing I needed to get right and to _be_ right.

'Hermione?'

I look around and Mum is smiling at me. I wish I could say it was her normal smile, but she's wearing her nervous smile. She's still wary of everything that's going on around her, still scared about the small war related things Ron and I have told her and still finding her memories of her family in her mind.

'Yes, Mum?'

'Your father and brother are going to the shop to get some food for dinner. Do you want to go with them? Or do you want to help me start organising things for packing?'

I smiled at her and stood up from the chair I'd been sitting on. 'I think I'll stay here and help you organise things. That is if we trust Dad and Ron to come back with proper food and not rubbish!'

She laughed. 'Well, even if they do, what's wrong with indulging once in a while, eh?'

I smiled. Apparently my mum had relaxed slightly since moving half way across the world. 'Nothing I suppose. I'll be through in a minute, if that's okay?'

'Absolutely fine, there's no rush.'

As Mum left the room I sat down heavily back on the chair. I declined the shopping trip mainly because if I'm here I can sneak a few minutes look at my books and try and work out how to get us out of this mess, and because I don't think I can stand being around Ron without holding his hand, putting my arm around him, giving him the odd chaste kiss and just marvelling in the fact that we're both alive and can do those things now.

Pretending Ronald Weasley is in fact Ronald Granger for an hour at the supermarket may kill me.

It took me three and a half years of knowing Ron to finally realise I didn't just 'love him like a brother' and a further three and a half years to snog him senseless and silently declare to the whole world that I love him. Now I had to regress to my fourteen year old self.

Then again, it shouldn't be that hard, when it comes to our relationship, me and Ron have always been backwards in coming forwards. This should be fine...

What I wouldn't give for one kiss...


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Australia is hot.

Wearing a jumper because it's winter wasn't clever. It's not winter in Australia. I don't even remember fainting. How embarrassing is that, eh? I fainted and got heatstroke and my girlfriend had to look after me while looking for her parents.

I came to help, to keep her company, and there I was laying down on magically cooled sheets, whimpering because laying down hurt, Rolling over hurt. Sitting up hurt. I had a sun blocking charm and stayed in the shade. How did I still burn. I was wearing a loose cotton shirt and a hat and drinking lots of water.

Why did I meltdown and not Hermione? She has all that hair!

We didn't know how to access the Australian Healers so Hermione had called a local Muggle Doctor in to check up on me. It was then she got the idea of asking about how to track down her parents.

English dentists called Granger wouldn't be difficult for a general practitioner to locate.

She wanted me to stay at the B&B but I insisted on going with her. She made a fuss over keeping me covered up and cool and slathered me in so much sticky white goo that the sun wouldn't get to me again. I was still having to reassure her that the heat wasn't too much for me when we were standing in the waiting room of the dental practitioner's office.

"Factor twenty and a hat didn't cut it eh?" The receptionist said with a smirk.

I looked to Hermione for a translation.

"Yes he got burnt, I'll be sure to notify you when he gets skin cancer so you can have a real laugh," Hermione almost spat at the receptionist.

"Sorry," the woman sat back in her seat and stared at my scowling girlfriend, "what can I do for you?"

"I heard you have two locums filling in here at the moment, both called Granger, I need you to fit me in with one of them if you can?"

"You a patient of theirs from back home?"

"Are you a receptionist or their biographer?" Hermione snapped.

I grabbed her and steered her away from the desk and pushed her down into a seat in the waiting room.

"Calm the fu… Just calm down, okay?" I managed to stop myself swearing just in time. "Wait here."

I returned to the desk and smiled at the receptionist.

"Sorry, I had heatstroke and she's been stressed looking after me," I explained.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make fun of your burn, I just see a lot of you lot crisping up like crackling and wondering how it happened when they used nothing more than a bottle of milk with a picture of a palm tree on the front."

"I had the same sun protection I used in Egypt, it wasn't enough," I mumbled, "anyway…" I thought on my feet, "…I fainted and fell and cracked a tooth and we know the Grangers. If you could just get us in for ten, fifteen minutes?"

She scanned her appointment book and then nodded to herself.

"At half past we've got a window for Mrs Granger, would that be okay?"

I was about to flash her a smile before remembering that I'd just told her I'd chipped a tooth and simply nodded.

"Yeah, ta, I'll be over there with my… Just there, okay?"

* * *

I hadn't meant to snap at the receptionist. Well, not really, but in all fairness she is paid to be helpful to the patients of the clinic, not to judge tourists on their mishaps in the sun. Honestly!

Ron managed to get us in to see Mum, though, which was something. He does do calm very well when _I'm_ the one who's overeating or panicking, he knows it's just best to move me to one side and he'll sort out what needs sorting out.

He sorted me out within a minute, too, telling me that everything was fine, and that I would be fine when I went into the room and saw my mum.

Because he knew exactly why I had snapped, yes the receptionist had been ridiculously annoying but I would normally have just laughed along or smiled politely even if she was making fun of Ron, but I'm anxious about seeing my parents in the flesh for the first time since I shipped them off to the other side of the world, not knowing if I was ever going to see them again.

But I am, in precisely eight minutes, providing she's not running late.

'Oh! Hermione! You need to crack my tooth!'

'I'm sorry, I what?'

Ron shuffled closer to me and whispered, 'You need to crack my tooth, that's what I had to tell the receptionist was wrong with me. I can't bloody well walk in there without a cracked tooth when she's expecting one! She'll think I'm stupid!'

I blinked. I could see his point, but I knew Ron didn't actually know what my Mother would do to his tooth if he had actually cracked it. I couldn't put him through that.

I recalled the worst of the 'horror stories' Mum and Dad had told me over the years which entailed a cracked tooth and told Ron exactly how they would fix it. Within thirty seconds he had gone very pale and ten seconds later Ron had waved my words away and I stopped talking about drilling.

'Just pretend then, yeah?' he had said, his voice slightly shaky.

'Probably best. We'll go in, explain that the receptionist must have written it down wrong and you're just here for a scale and polish' Ron instantly looked alarmed 'which I promise you does not hurt at all, it's a fancy phrase for cleaning your teeth thoroughly, and I'll try and get Dad in the room by… saying I knew them both from years ago back home. When they're both in the room I can perform the spell and, well, we'll see how things go from there.'

'You promise me she's not going to start drilling into my teeth when I sit in that chair!'

'I promise. And she'd give you plenty of warning if she was going to start.'

'Oh! Well that's fine and dandy then! I've got nothing to worry about!'

_'Ronald Weasley.'_

I stiffened. In my panic I checked my watch wondering why I was being forced to do this earlier than I thought. Apparently not only was my mother on time but she was early. Bloody typical.

Ron was already making his way over towards the Dental nurse who had called his name and I managed to get my legs to follow him. She led us down a corridor and turned left into one of the rooms.

I glanced at the plaque on the door as I went in and smiled as I recognised it as the one I packed for her back home.

I walked into the room and shut the door behind me. I looked at Ron, looking nervous as he shook my mother's hand and even more nervous as he sat in the reclined chair and Mum put on her plastic gloves. It was then I looked at her properly.

She hadn't changed, she still wore her hair in a low ponytail while she worked, still had her glasses which she needed for close up work and still had a calming air about her while she worked.

'So, Mister Weasley, been careless with your teeth have you? I've been told you have cracked your tooth.'

Ron glared at me and I knew I had to start talking.

'Cracked tooth?' I somehow managed to say. 'No, he's only come in for a check up. I've been on at him since we've been out here to get his teeth checked and he finally gave in. But… I… You haven't cracked a tooth, have you, Ron?'

Ron shook his head rather violently. 'No! Not at all. There'll definitely be no need for any drilling today, just… scaling… and polishing… if that's okay.'

Mum frowned and flicked through a couple of other pieces of paper she was holding before she shrugged and threw the notes on the bench.

'That's that second time today I've been given incorrect information, I shall have to have words with someone. Okay, Ron, relax, there's nothing to worry about. This won't hurt a bit.'

Ron jumped when the seat started reclining further and then rose a few inches.

'So, Ron, what brings you to Australia.'

My Mum is brilliant at taking people's minds off what she is doing to their teeth, but I had a feeling nothing was about to distract Ron from anything she was about to do, and our answer to that question is about to turn her world upside down. It was my turn to talk, it was just a shame I didn't have a clue what to say.

* * *

A tray of sharp metal was being wheeled towards me on a trolley and Mrs Granger was shining a light in my face. I gripped the armrests and tried to remind myself that all she was going to do was clean my teeth the Muggle way. Just a cleaning, that was all, the drills and needles and…_needles_.

"I take it we have a phobia here?" The light was moved away from my face and Hermione's mum was smiling at me and sitting me up.

"Um, yes, this is why we looked you up," Hermione was giving me a look that warned me not to make this any harder for her by freaking out in the chair. "You and da…Doctor Granger, your husband Doctor Granger, not you, because you're you, aren't you?"

She was babbling and I was panicking.

The only calm person in the room was the person we were supposed to be helping. She handed me a plastic cup full of water and sat Hermione down on a stool in the corner.

"Are you afraid too, dear?" She smiled at Hermione with warmth but also unfamiliarity.

I knew she wanted to cuddle her mother.

"Mrs Granger?" I said as I handed the empty plastic cup back to her. "Is your husband free for a couple of minutes? Just to…it's just that he…"

"He's very good at distraction techniques, I know," she nodded. "I'll see if he's free and you two just take some deep breaths and calm yourselves down."

She left the room and Hermione threw herself off the stool and grabbed me by the shoulders. I winced as my sunburn screamed beneath her fingers and she let me go with a look of apology.

"What are you doing?"

"I got her to get him in here didn't I?"

"Yes but, I really thought you were going to faint again!"

I pointed at the tray of sharp silver things.

"What's that lot doing there if she's not going to use them eh?"

"You still carry your wand even if you don't need it don't you?"

"Yeah but I don't shove it into people's mouths for no reason!"

The door opened and Hermione's parents walked back into the room. Her dad smiled at me and then frowned and blinked.

"I've see you before? You're a patient from back home?"

I nodded. Hermione was on her feet, worrying her lip between her teeth and sliding her hand into the pocket she concealed her wand.

"_Restituo memoria!_"

I jumped as Hermione struck both her unsuspecting parents with the memory restoration charm without a pause to brace herself. The Grangers swayed on their feet and then looked at each other and frowned.

"Look for the memories, you can find them again," Hermione said as she put her wand away and stepped closer to her mother. "Find me mum, look at my face. You know my face don't you?"

Hermione's mum nodded.

Mr Granger looked at me and his eyebrows knitted together. I swallowed and then smiled. I found myself giving him a wave. He raised his hand and gave half a wave back.

"You're…"

"Dad," Hermione called to him and then spoke to both her parents at the same time, "I'm your daughter. I'm Hermione. Find me in your heads. I'm still there, you just need to look for me and bring me back."

"Daughter?"

"You're parents, remember being pregnant, mum? Remember the craving for white chalk she had and the big fight you had because all you could get was coloured chalk."

"It's not the same, it taste's different," her mum said, blankly.

"That's right!" Hermione beamed, "That's what you said."

"I lost my office to the baby's room," Mr Granger said as he found his way back onto a parental path.

"Yes, that's it," Hermione nodded, encouragingly. "You're my dad and you're my mum."

"You've grown up, not a little girl anymore." Mrs Granger said, sadly.

"I know you, but your name," Mr Granger shook his head as he stared at me.

"So tall!" Mrs Granger said with a laugh.

I chuckled at this. She sounded just like my mum.

"Remember how thrilled you were to get the baby you always wanted? Remember teaching me to read and write. Remembe-"

"You play chess," Mr Granger said as he looked back at me again.

"Yeah I do," I nodded.

"Gifted," he said as he leaned in close and examined my face.

"Do you remember him? Do you remember playing him at the Leaky Cauldron?"

Her mum gasped and clamped her hand to her mouth.

"Magic!"

"That's it!" Hermione beamed. "It's coming back now. You'll see it all and you'll remember. You're mum and you're dad and I'm your Hermione and its all…"

Mr Granger put his hand on my shoulder and my sunburn stung like a bastard. I hissed and swore under my breath.

"God, sorry, I…" he said as he realised I was burnt all over.

"Ron!" Hermione scolded me.

"It's my sun bu-" I tried to explain.

"My son," Mr Granger suddenly gasped.

"What?" I said, frozen stiff at what I thought he'd just said.

"Hermione," her mum said, "my Hermione. My little girl!" She flung her arms around Hermione and crushed her into a hug.

Hermione's eyes were tear filled but she was also looking at her father with concern.

"Daddy?"

"Hermione," Mr Granger grinned and stroked her hair before turning to me, "and…and… _Wesley_?"

"Um, no, I um…" I looked to Hermione for some help.

The two women broke apart and Mrs Granger laughed and then hugged me in the same way she'd hugged Hermione.

"No silly, it's Ron!" She squeezed me tightly, I yelped and she jumped back and then began fussing over my burn. "Oh you silly thing. Why didn't you cover up, you're like a streak of crispy bacon!"

"Ron," Mr Granger nodded, "I'm sorry, I… How did I forget you?" He hesitantly moved his hands forward to try and find a spot I wasn't sore.

Eventually he pulled me forward by the back of my neck and I stood up to look over his shoulder with pleading eyes towards Hermione to help me out of this mess.

"How did I forget my children?" He said as he reached back to pull Hermione forward into the embrace too.

"Not children," Hermione said in a panic.

"No, not any more," he said, clearly moved, "look how grown up you are."

He looked at me towering over him and turned to his wife.

"Was he this big when we… when did we see you last?"

"At the house just before you left, I think," I said while Hermione shook her head, desperately.

"Don't make them remember you in the house," Hermione hissed before turning to her parents. "You can't place him in our house because he's no-"

"You were going on a mission and you made us forget you so you could send us away." Her mother spoke with hurt and betrayal in her voice.

"We didn't get a say in it. You sent us to the other side of the world and then ran off to fight to the death!" Her dad began to shout at her.

Not her, us.

"How could you do this to us? You didn't even sit us down to talk about it."

"Mum, I had t-"

"And you," she turned on me and I stepped back and fell into the chair, "do you realise how badly this could have gone? How even one little mistake could've… For goodness sake, Ron, I can't remember you being born. What if I've lost whole chunks of my own life for ever?"

"There's been a mistake," Hermione tried to explain, "you shouldn't remember Ron's birth because he-"

"The mistake was that you two forgot who were the parents and who were the children!" Mr Granger said, sharply. "Protecting the family is our job, even if we are a pair of Muggles and you are super heroes."

I looked at Hermione and she was at a loss for what to do.

"Mr Granger, I'm…"

The angry man looked at me and seemed so hurt for a moment that I totally forgot what I was going to say. I was like a derailed train, unable to advance or retreat.

"Don't call me Mister," he said, sounding pained, "I'm sorry I forgot you but you were the one who did this to me."

"No, he didn't," Hermione said, meekly.

"You might have been the one who did the spell but you were in this together, just like you always are," her dad said with a shake of the head.

"You've always set the good example, been the sensible one," her mum said as she approached Hermione, "if you thought this was the right thing to do then I'm sure it was a last resort."

"It was," Hermione said as she clutched the front of her mother's white coat.

"No more spells on us, for any reason, neither of you." Mr Granger ordered.

"I promise," Hermione said, placing her hand upon her chest, "just let me give you back all your memories and finish the memory modification spell. I made a mistake the first time. You don't have all your memor-"

"No," her mother said as she pushed down Hermione's wand, "I won't risk losing any more of either of you. I want to see an expert."

"Dad can d…" I began before Mr Granger looked at me and I stalled, "…can…you remember a man called Arthur Weasley? He'll be able to do it. It's part of his job."

"Weasley? He's the one who likes plugs and got into a fight with that Malfoy man in the book shop isn't he?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Lots of kids," he said again.

"Yeah."

"Oh come on, you know Arthur, don't be so vague," Mrs Granger said before looking at me, thoughtfully. "You could be one of his."

Hermione opened her mouth to seize on this thought.

"You spend a lot of time at their house don't you?" Mr Granger asked me.

"Well, yeah but," I didn't know what would be so wrong with just telling them they'd made a mistake and jogging their memory a little further.

"Did you wipe their minds and put them into hiding?"

"No, but they're wizards and witches, they can fight."

"So can we!" Mrs Granger blurted. "We can fight for our children just as well as they can."

"So they can fight better than we can eh? That's why you're always running off to be with them is it?" Mr Granger said, angrily. "I need them to protect my family because I'm so pathetically inept against all your magic?"

"Dad, no!" Hermione was getting overwhelmed by her own backfiring plan.

"Did they take care of you? Did you get hurt?"

"I'll tell you everything, as soon as we clear up this memory problem I'll answer all your questions for you." Hermione promised.

"Did she get hurt?" Mr Granger asked me, nodding towards Hermione.

I swallowed against my dry throat and then nodded.

"Did you get hurt?"

I looked down at my feet.

"Just some cuts and scrapes," I said with a shrug.

Hermione's mum grabbed my arm and looked at the smooth scar left behind from my splinching accident.

"That's a scrape?"

"I healed it, he's fine," Hermione piped up.

"You healed it just like you fully restored our memories did you?" Mr Granger said with a pointed look at her.

"Hey," I said, shocking myself at how bold I was in standing up to him.

"Magic isn't everything," Mr Granger growled, "it doesn't solve everything. We could have taken care of you, just as well, maybe better, with our _primitive_ ways."

"Dad, stop it," Hermione said, looking at him the same way she looks at me before telling me off, "I didn't know if I'd survive and I thought I was doing the right thing for everyone. I'm sorry but let's fix this mess and talk it through then."

"Your friends, the Weasleys," Mr Granger said to her, unsettling us both, "did they all survive with their memories intact?"

I suddenly felt sick. Hermione looked at me and pushed past her dad to hug me.

"Oh no," Mrs Granger said hand covering her mouth.

"One of the twins was killed," Hermione said as she moved to stand at my side and hold my hand. "Even people with magical powers were killed. This is why I had to do what I did."

I just focused on the floor and let her do the talking.

"I'm sorry," her dad said, "you were there when it happened?"

I nodded, wordlessly, and the man moved forward and pulled me against him, patting me on the back.

"I'm sorry, son."

Considering the circumstances it probably wasn't wise to do anything to reinforce the father son dynamic Mr Granger had mistakenly fallen into with me, but Fred's death was still fresh and raw. I could feel Hermione going spare at my side but for the moment, just for a moment…I hugged him.


	3. Chapter 2

****

Chapter 2

You know when you've accepted something as normal, all right and generally correct and then it's like you've been smacked across the back of the head with a saucepan and you're staring the truth in the eye and you have no idea how you could have thought that what you believed before was true?

No? Oh, okay. Well, it happened to me about ten minutes ago. The crushing realisation that my parents thought of themselves as Wendell and Monica _Granger_ as opposed to Wendell and Monica _Wilkins_, that is. I didn't actually get hit on the head by a pan, that would be silly.

The only excuse I can give is that I wanted so much to find Doctor and Doctor Granger and get them back into my life and back to their normal lives that I didn't even want to think about any complication that might get in the way.

Of course that doesn't explain why they _did_ think themselves Doctor and Doctor Granger and not Doctor and Doctor Wilkins. I suppose the obvious answer is that I didn't complete the spell correctly, or did something afterwards that inadvertently reminded them they were in fact Grangers and not Wilkins.

I've already discussed how I feel about failure, so I won't go on about it again, for my sanity if nothing else. In the past ten minutes I've thought of numerous ways that the spell could have been partially broken to have Mum and Dad know their actual name and not their pretend name. The main one I've come up with is my packing their nameplates with their belongings that were shipped to Australia.

I did it without thinking. It was something that was related to work and I packed all that stuff for them. Obviously they would need their door nameplates so I packed them. It was probably the stress, probably contemplating that I was about to bewitch my parents without their consent, probably the fear coursing through me that I might not survive this war, probably wondering what would happen if we didn't complete our mission. Again, perfectly aware this is another failing – I should have focussed my mind before doing anything important - we'll pass over this one, too, shall we? Good.

All this pondering has brought me to the conclusion that the first partly damaged spell may have had side effects on the second memory modification spell. If it wasn't a perfect spell to reverse, then reversing it normally wouldn't work. Logically that was the correct answer, but Logic and Magic do not sit well together.

'There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!'

I frowned at him. 'Where have you been looking for me?'

He scuffed his shoe on the carpet and looked at the resulting fluff intently. 'In the lounge, kitchen, cloakroom.'

'So, just downstairs then,' I replied with a smirk.

He stuck his tongue out at me and perched next to me on the bed. We had arrived back at Mum and Dad's house half an hour after The Big Revelation and Ron had managed to preoccupy them with a brief run down on the final confrontation with Voldemort while I excused myself to the bathroom and just sat, breathing deeply, trying to keep calm while sitting on the floor. I must have looked a little pale, because Ron looked quite alarmed when we got back and didn't complain when I said I needed to be excused.

'How are they?'

'They're okay, I didn't go in to too much detail, just the basics. Harry died to save us, Harry didn't actually die, Voldemort died because the wand he was using actually had loyalty to Harry so wouldn't kill his master… you know, the basics.'

I had to laugh, those 'basics' were possibly the most complicated aspects of the whole journey.

'The most important question is how are you? I thought you were going to keel over when we got back.'

'I'm fine, just needed to calm down a bit and gain some composure. Oh and I had a bit of a dawning revelation as well.'

'What's that then?'

'They were _Grangers_.'

He frowned. 'Yes, Hermione, they're _Grangers_. As are you.'

'No, you don't understand. 'They should have been _Wilkins_, not _Granger_!'

'Oh! Yeah, I know, I thought that was a bit weird.'

'You realised they had the wrong surname?' I have to admit I shrieked at him.

'Well, yeah, I though you had changed everything, but then I kinda thought that because you were looking for Doctor and Doctor Granger then you must have made the spell… I dunno, maybe lapse a bit after a few weeks so you'd be able to find them when you came to look for them. I was going to ask you about it and ask why it had changed, but then we actually found them and I forgot.'

There wasn't much to say to that. I suppose it wasn't inconceivable that I had modified the spell so that they would remember something of what they were before, but I hadn't planned it that way, so I was still where I was before. I sighed heavily.

Ron put his arm around me at the sound.

'It doesn't matter though, does it? The spell worked and kept them safe, they had no idea who you were when you walked in or me, and, well, apart from the one tiny glitch of them thinking I'm their son, everything's fine.'

I turned towards him. 'One _tiny_ glitch?' I repeated. 'I'd hardly call this _tiny_! I don't know how to fix it, or whether to just wait until they realise they have no memory of you before seeing you on the platform at the end of first year, or whether their memory is going to be messed up permanently. I just don't know what to do.'

Ron pulled me into a hug. 'We'll work it out and if we can't we'll just wait until we get home and get someone at St. Mungo's to look at them. I'll bet this is a really easy case to solve for them. There'll be no problem.'

I nodded, purely because I needed to believe that I hadn't messed things up entirely, and that the mistakes I had made weren't irreparable. I pulled away from him and smiled. By habit, I reached up and kissed him and I couldn't help but smile as he kissed me back.

Then there were footsteps behind the door, a shout of 'Hermione, Ron!' and the door opened.

I really had to remember that Ron was my brother and that I really shouldn't be kissing him.

The sooner we got things sorted the better. I did not help to make the Wizarding World a better place to then be driven insane and not enjoy the freedom we had worked for. That and I really wanted to snog my boyfriend.

* * *

"It's Aloe Vera," my new mum told me as she worked the cooling gel into my shoulders, "I'm sure you have your fancy magical ways to help with the burn but I'd like to help if I can."

"It's okay," I smiled at her, "it's nice."

I knew why she wanted to help me. It was because she didn't remember me properly and she felt guilty. We had to get this fixed before we took them back to their real home because the first thing they'd both do would be to look for my baby pictures, any pictures, and maybe even think to check my room to see if it jogged any memories.

Only I don't have a room...and I think they'll notice that.

"I don't know how you burn like this," she said, as she examined my pink skin, "nobody in the family have ever been this fair skinned."

"Well, y'know," I forced a chuckle, "red hair, fair skin."

"We don't have red hair either, Sheila used to be strawberry blonde when she was a kid but it turned light brown by the time she hit puberty."

"Um, well...the gene can be...dormant I suppose. That's what you told me once." I figured the best way to stop a conversation like this was to make her think we'd already had it.

"Well that's true, I know two brunettes who have an auburn haired baby."

Relieved, I sat still and let her carry on.

"This couldn't be fixed at the hospital?" Her fingers were hovering over the scarring from my splinching accident.

"Huh? Oh, no. It was left too long. It wasn't safe for me to go to the hospital so Hermione fixed me up." I turned my head to grin at her. "She's really good like that, thought really fast."

She was smiling, sadly, and touched the tight scar tissue.

"It's such a shame though, your arms are just...why is it always your arms?"

"I ask myself that same question!" I laughed and so did she.

"So world weary aren't you?" She poked me in the back of the head. "So much like your father...to a tee!"

"Really?" I looked up at her, curiously. "What's he like? What else I mean."

The kitchen door closed and they both looked up and waited for somebody to appear but nobody did. Then they heard teacups clinking and turned their attention back to each other.

"Have you lost some memories too?" She asked me, with a frown.

"No, I just...I don't see a lot of similarities between me and him. I can see Hermione's a lot like him but I never thought we'd have anything in common."

"You _never_ thought?"

"Well," I'd put my huge foot in it, "like you said, I'm a lot different."

"Your father loves you just as much as he does Hermione, fathers and daughters are always close like that, it doesn't mean he prefers her. Not at all."

"No, it's all right, he should like her better." I couldn't have them telling themselves the loved me like they loved her. It was just wrong.

"Don't say that! We don't have favourites in this family, Ron."

"No I didn't mean..."

"You don't ever talk about this to your father, it'll break his heart," she said to me, fiercely.

I nodded.

"Promise," she demanded.

"I promise."

The sound of a throat clearing made us jump and my new dad was standing in the doorway holding a tray with a teapot and four teacups set upon it.

"Tea?"

"Lovely," she said, I could tell she was hoping he hadn't heard what we had been talking about.

"How do you take it Ron?" He asked me, looking at me in a way that made me wonder if he was remembering things properly now.

"Two big sugars," I answered, still wondering if we just had to wait and their real memories and fake memories would separate like oil and vinegar.

He lifted both eyebrows and then turned to his wife.

"Come on now Ron," she said to me with a stern tone, "I know we didn't bring you up to take sugar in your tea."

"Oh, um..."

"Hogwarts spoil him with sweets," Hermione appeared just in time, "I keep telling him to lay off but they've given him such a sweet tooth."

"There'll be no teeth left if you go on like that," Mr Granger said, with parental authority.

"But magic can fix i-"

"No magic on teeth remember, Ron? " Hermione was giving me a significant look as she spoke, eyes wide, "we let mum and dad look after our teeth like we always have."

"What about when you shrunk yours?" I blurted, pointing at her front teeth, teeth that used to be a lot bigger.

"You told us you were overpowered by the school nurse and she made you have them shrunk!" Her father turned and looked at her with betrayal. "Does everybody in this family lie now?"

With that he stormed out.

"What?" Hermione asked as she wrung her hands.

"D'you think he heard you telling me not to say..." I began.

"No, it's that you ran off and left us without memories, that's what it is." She said as she ran after her husband.

"What was this you and my mother were talking about?" Hermione asked me, ready to blow up and blame me for something.

"Nothing, just something I said about not wanting them to... Hermione, they're trying to convince themselves they love me like they love you and I can't let them do that."

She relaxed and crossed the room to wrap her arms around me.

"Until we work out what we're going to do, just let them. We just have to let them and hope they aren't angry when they remember everything clearly."

"She thought I was saying your dad liked you better than me. That's what she made me promise never to say."

She looked up at me and smiled.

That's when her parents started bellowing at each other at the top of the stairs.

* * *

It's something you never want to hear. Ever. And I've only heard it a coupe of times, but as I stumbled towards the door, both wanting to get closer to the noise of my parents arguing but trying not to run out and let them know I'm listening in, one thought has to go through my mind: _What the hell are they arguing about?_

I feel Ron stand next to me and he leans forwards to try and hear a bit better.

'You told me it had never got past flirting and a chaste peck on the cheek when he reassigned to a different area!'

I frowned, not having a clue what Dad was shouting about.

'I'm not even going to dignify that sentence with a response! I told you at the time your ridiculous jealousy was based on nothing but your imagination but you wouldn't listen! Even now, Iyears/I later your accusing me of having an affair just because his hair is red! How many times do we have to have this conversation?'

A shiver ran through me. Dad thought that Mum had had an affair and the result had been Ron. Oh, Merlin above!

'I don't remember having this conversation, _do you?_' Guilt swamped me yet again that all this had happened. 'I could have had this conversation fifty times over and I would still stand here not having a clue!'

'I don't care if you don't remember it! How many times have I told you that you were my first and my only?'

I glanced up at Ron and he had scrunched up his nose, obviously not wanting to have heard what he just had.

'He's got red hair and a fair complexion! No one in either of our families have red hair! But I know someone who does though.'

'Don't you dare accuse me of having an affair with Ashley!'

'Who's Ashely?' Ron whispered.

I shrugged, I had never heard the name before. Maybe there was a reason.

'Hermione, why can't we just change the colour of my hair? Surely it's better than this? I hate listening to them argue, I don't know how you're being so calm!'

'Believe me, Ron, I'm anything but calm.'

I couldn't help it, my lower lip started to wobble and tears stung my eyes.

'Hey, come here,' Ron said quietly. He gathered me in his arms and I buried my head into his shoulder.

'It'll be okay, it will, we just have to get them back home, or get someone out here to sort them out.'

I nodded, thankful that there was some way out of this even if it wasn't going to get any better in the immediate future.

'Seriously, though, I could just change the colour of my hair, it would solve the problem.'

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

'Except they'd realise you'd changed it, I can't modify their memories again, Merlin knows what damage it would do. I think we just need to get them out of here and back home as soon as possible.'

'Whatever you want.'

Whatever I want. My life back to normal would be a start. Is that a lot to ask?

* * *

"I heard the two of you, you know?" Hermione's dad was shouting. "_Don't tell your father, it'll break his heart_. You made the boy promise to keep your dirty secret."

"That wasn't-"

"Find out did he? While putting us into hiding he found out he was hiding a step-father and not a father?"

"I have only had sex with you, you great oaf, though right now I wonder why I ever wanted to!"

Hermione was practically tearing her hair out and I couldn't let this cock up split up her family. I did what the twins always used to do to defuse mum's temper.

Distraction techniques learned from the best.

I stormed up the stairs and flung the door open. I tried to remember something Percy had said to mum and dad before he'd walked out on the family.

"See this is why I left home and stayed at Hogwarts for all these years!" I shouted as I waggled my finger. "There's a reason you don't remember much of me because I was invisible to you. I was never here!"

They both blinked at me, startled.

"Why would I come home to have him treating me like some red-haired stepchild?" I pointed at the beetroot faced man standing before me. "This is why I said he liked Hermione better, because he does. He doesn't care about proof or facts, Mrs...Mum, all he wants is a reason to like Hermione better."

"We've done this to you before?" Hermione's mother said, looking devastated. "Oh my poor...come here."

My new mum cuddled me and was shaking all over. I looked at Hermione's dad and the door creaked as Hermione stepped inside.

"Daddy, you need to calm down and stop making Ron feel like he doesn't belong in this family. It's not an affair or magic or anything else. He just looks different. He just likes sugar in his tea."

"But she said," he pointed at his wife, "I heard you saying to him that he was just like his father. He's nothing like me so who were you talking about?"

"Your bloody tempers, you stupid man...stupid men!" She looked at me for that last bit. "No more fighting. You're moving back home with us. There's no school to hide in anymore. We'll be a family again."

I looked to Hermione, she seemed relieved that her family wasn't crumbling. Unfortunately I'd just made it harder to extricate myself from it once we got back home.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

She jumped as soon as she heard the bedroom door close. Her arm flung out to grab her wand and ignite the tip. The light blinded me and I threw up an arm to block the brilliant beam of light.

"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed, forgetting she shouldn't be quite so loud in the middle of the night, especially with her parents in the next room. "What are you doing?" She hissed as she directed her wand away so I could lower my arm again.

I was shaking all over and self-consciously brushing at myself with both hands. My heart was punching my chest from the inside and I could hear my pulse inside my ears.

Hermione threw back the covers and climbed out of bed, looking very worried, and as she approached I realised I was out of breath too. I must have looked a right state.

"Are you okay? Was it a nightmare?"

"No," I shook my head before screwing my eyes tightly closed and then blinking several times, "I mean yeah, m'okay, but not a dream."

"Come and sit down," she said as she guided me to the bed and sat with me on the edge of the mattress.

She was rubbing my back and offering me lots of stuff. We covered whether or not I'd like some water, tea, a piece of sugar free chocolate, a piece of real chocolate after my disgusted expression rejected the sugar free variety, a swig of calming draught, and finally the offer of a cuddle.

"Cuddle sounds good," I said with an embarrassed chuckle.

She clung to me with a fierce grip and I lost my face deep in her hair as I held onto her tightly. I fisted the back of her nightshirt with both hands and began to calm myself down.

Merlin I can make a drama out of nothing.

I took a shuddering breath in and she stroked my hair.

"Better?" She asked me, still not letting go.

"Mmm-hmm," I nodded against her shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She was trying to sound soothing but her utterly Hermione-ish curiosity took over and her tone was more of a demand I tell her everything.

"It's silly. Just me being stupid. It's nothing."

"You're not silly, stupid or nothing and you can tell me."

I took a moment to gather my nerves and sound a little more manly as I admitted what I total girl I was.

"It wassa...s'not biggun bu...'n cossa where we are an' I hadda glass..."

I failed at sounding manly.

"Spider...on me...touching me...on my skin!" I said before shuddering into jelly against her body. "Pathetic, sorry."

"You are not pathetic," Hermione rubbed her hands up and down me, briskly, "stop that right now."

"I don't do well with 'em at the best of times but...we're in Australia! Australian spiders!" I squeezed her so tightly she made a little 'eep'ing sound. "Sorry."

"Nothing to feel embarrassed about," she pulled her hair behind her ear, drawing back the safe curtain I'd been hiding behind, and whispered into my face, "I'm frightened of the spiders over here too."

"They can kill you y'know?" I said, looking at her with anxiety and feeling comforted that she recognised the threat I had faced. "Even little ones can kill you with a little nip."

"You were right to come and find me," she said with a smile.

I nodded for no reason and then stared at the floor for a few seconds, picturing the scene I'd left in the living room where I had been sleeping on the sofa.

"I put a glass over it and left it. It's there now, in the middle of the carpet. It's probably tapping on the glass with it's legs. Eight little taps, all one after the other."

I was working myself up again but couldn't stop myself.

Fortunately Hermione knows me so well she can do exactly the right thing to stop me thinking about things like that.

"Do you want to get in?"

See? Told you.

"Huh?" I sat back and frowned at her.

She pulled back the bedcovers a little further and patted at her single mattress.

"Climb in and sleep here tonight. I'll protect you." She smiled and then looked away as her cheeks flushed.

I swallowed.

"Uh, I can sleep on the floor, it's okay."

"If you sleep on the floor while I'm all comfy in the bed I'll never forgive myself." She looked me in the eye again. "And I'd like to keep on cuddling you. You don't seem ready to stop being cuddled."

I scratched the back of my neck and looked towards the bedroom door.

"Did you and Ginny never climb in with each other when you were scared or upset?"

"Loads of times," I said before biting my lip and looking at my pyjama-clad girlfriend, "but we're only pretend brother and sister, it's not the same."

Hermione lifted her chin in that way she did when she had made up her mind and was determined to get her way.

"If mum and dad find out we shared a bed it's no different to any other brother and sister. I know I can share a bed with you, my friend...boyfriend, because you are a gentleman and we're both wearing tops and bottoms. All very civil."

I had to laugh at her calling us civil.

She pushed my fringe out of my eyes and then kissed me on the lips.

"Get in and snuggle up with me. I might have bad dreams without you." She slipped back under the covers and shuffled across to wait for me to join her.

"Well, if you need me." I shrugged and then swung my legs around to climb in.

* * *

He had finally nodded off about quarter of an hour after he had come into my room shaking and still traumatised by his encounter with the spider. It would have been earlier but I kept stroking his arm absent-mindedly and obviously it made him jump. I changed to stroking his hair, apparently that didn't remind him of the spider issue.

I love falling asleep with him in my arms. I know, traditionally, I'm supposed to fall asleep in _his_ arms, but I like that I'm comforting him, when so often, recently, he's been comforting me.

Selfishly, I too easily forget all that we left behind. The hurting, the death, the destruction… it's easy to get too involved with my little crisis here, and I forget all too easily what we left at home. As if Ron's reading my mind, he starts to mumble in his sleep, I catch the odd 'no' and then 'Fred' and my heart starts to race. I hate seeing him upset, even in his dreams.

'Shhh,' I gently say to him and I kiss his forehead, stroking his hair at the same time. He starts to struggle a little.

'Ron, it's me, Hermione, you're safe… shhh…'

Either his troubled thoughts left him or my voice calmed him a little, because the crease on his forehead disappears and he settles down.

I don't remember falling asleep, so waking with the sun streaming through the window was quite a surprise. I squinted at the clock on the wall. I winced at the pain in my neck, I'd have to find a more comfortable position to fall asleep on Ron, this would not do.

I heard the unmistakable sound of cups of tea being made downstairs and suddenly I wanted a brew more than anything in the world. Ron would be dead to the world for at least another hour, it was only eight o'clock, so I made my way downstairs and smiled sleepily when Dad offered me a cup of tea.

'Where's Ron? He's not in the lounge,' Dad asked.

'Oh, he er… there was an incident with a spider in the night, he slept in my room, needed the company and chatter to distract him. He managed to get a glass over it though.'

'Really? I'm impressed. They are rather monstrous over here. Don't tell your mother but I have trouble sometimes. When you have trouble getting your hand over them because they're that big it's enough to give you the willies.'

I smiled and took a sip of my tea.

'So, what's the plan for today? Are we off to the Australian Ministry of Magic to get everything sorted for our trip home?'

'Oh, um… yeah I think so… they were only waiting on a couple of forms from… home…'

I couldn't help but let the fear of what will be waiting for us when we got back wash over me. I didn't want to think about how people were moving on and grieving in their own way, but I couldn't help it. I was staring into my tea so hard I didn't see Dad sit in front of me until the wooden chair scraped across the tile floor.

'Something the matter, Hermione?'

I sighed, wanting to tell my Dad my worries but not wanting to at the same time.

'It's just… everything's… broken…' It wasn't the exact word I wanted but it fit quite well. 'People are broken, families are broken, Ron's fa- er… ' _Arse! Talk quickly!_ '…the Weasley family is missing an irreplaceable part of it. I want to help them but I don't know how. I can't do anything that will help. Everything's just _strange_ and nothing's comfortable anymore. I know I'm whining and being very selfish and I've got so much to be thankful for, but at the minute I just can't get my brain to think any other way.'

I took a deep breath and then escaped into my tea.

'I don't think it's selfish at all, Hermione. From the minimal details you and your brother have told me,' I couldn't help but shuffle uncomfortably, 'you've been through more than anyone should have to and you did it alone – well, you know what I mean. I know there were three of you but you hardly had an army behind you, ready to defend you at a moment's notice. You can't be blamed for just wanting to take the easy way out and have time to wind down from it all.'

I nodded, taking some comfort from Dad's words.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, Dad slurping his tea much more than he would if Mum was in the room. I tried not to giggle but when I did he grinned and did it louder.

'Does Ron really take three sugars in his tea?'

_Time to lie again_ 'Ah, well, you see, um… yes, but I have to take responsibility for that… mostly. When we were _on the run_ as it were, we needed all the energy we could get. When we actually had tea with us I made sure I put plenty of sugar in, just to keep energy levels up, you know.

_Well, you've lied better, but it wasn't too bad._

'Ah, well, I can't really argue with that, now, can I?'

I smiled.

'Well, you can still disapprove, and I'll promise to wean Ron off it eventually.'

'Speak of the devil…'

I'd heard the quick footsteps that seemed to tumble down the stairs and was shocked to see Ron looking alarmed.

'What's wrong?' I asked, standing as he quickly glanced around the kitchen taking in his surroundings.

'Um… nothing. I just… I think I had a bad dream… and when I woke up I wasn't sure where I was and then I realised I was in your room and then I wondered where you were and I… panicked a little… but you're here with… Dad. So, you're fine… everyone's fine…'

Dad looked around, not really sure what to say.

'Tea, Ron?'

In all fairness, tea is a reasonable solutions to all problems.

'Um, yeah, think I need the suga-… oh, um…'

Dad smiled and gestured for Ron to sit in the now vacant chair.

'I may not be able to stretch to three sugars, but I should be able to manage two.'

* * *

So you know what kills a bout of teenage horniness?

I was having a shower and thinking of Hermione and then I realised that I shouldn't be thinking of Hermione, especially when I was washing myself...there. Anyway, I stopped myself thinking of Hermione with some horrifying words.

You can't, she's supposed to be your sister.

BOOM! There's Ginny in my head.

Yes, the horror, the undiluted horror of having a stiffy and thinking of your little sister is like making an umbrella out of tissue paper and going out into a force ten gale with it. I was soggy, limp and clutching a piece of equipment that will be of no use to me for the rest of my life.

And I didn't even get to use it properly, not even once.

My willie will think of Ginny every time I get a naughty thought. Whenever I'm alone in the bathroom and have some time to myself, it'll go into hiding and shout that I should be ashamed of myself. It'll shrivel up and drop off just like Celestina Warbeck's did.

That was true wasn't it? She was castrated so she could sing like that, right? Fred sai...

Bastard.

I turned off the shower and sat down in the warm, wet puddle at my feet. The water drained away and I hugged my knees to myself.

I shouldn't think things like that about Fred anymore.

Stupid dead bastard.

I didn't want a pretend sister, I wanted my real brother. I wanted my bastard git of a brother back and I wanted my girlfriend back and I wanted my carefree wank time back and it was all fucked up and I was upside down in Australia sitting in a bath waiting for the nearest deadly spider to come up through the plughole and murder me.

I wanted my friend right at that moment but I was naked and pathetic and she wasn't my friend anymore, she was my girlfriend. I couldn't be pathetic with my girlfriend. I was supposed to be better.

She deserved better.

The knock on the door made me jump and I grabbled for something to pull myself up but slipped and ended up ripping the shower curtain down as I fell onto my back and slithered down the slipper floor of the bath with my legs waggling in the air.

"Are you decent, son?"

"Oh cobblers!" I hissed under my breath as I tried to sit up.

The door opened and I held the shower curtain over my groin.

"Ron! Did you fall? Are you all right?"

My fake dad was worrying and trying to help me up and all I could he was my head screaming 'close the door behind you, for the love of Merlin close the bloody door!'

"Fine, you just made me jump," I reassured him as he reached to hand me a towel. "I was already sitting down."

He frowned at me.

"You were sitting down to shower?"

"No, I'd finished, I was just...having a think."

I am a prat.

"You're really upset about what I...the way I treated you and your mother last night aren't you? The way things have been between us al these years."

I swallowed and shook my head.

"No, it wasn't you. I just thought of something and then realised that things had changed now. I thought of somebody but they're...gone."

He sat on the side of the bath and wrapped another towel around my shoulders.

"I'm very glad you didn't...go anywhere thinking I loved your sister more than you."

Cue thinking of Ginny, then thinking of thinking of Ginny while trying to wank, then explosive blush of shame and guilt. Fortunately Mr Granger took my reaction to mean that he had really hurt me the night before.

I was quite a good actor when it came to playing the part of whiny, self pitying, unwanted member of loving family.

"That's rubbish," he said.

I tensed up.

"Since when did you start reading minds?" I asked him, nervously.

"I can read your face," he ruffled my wet hair, sadly. "Please don't hide away and grieve for people you've lost or stew on things I've done to you over the years. Promise me you'll come and find me. I'll always have time for you. I'll always make time for you."

I nodded. I didn't want to risk saying anything in case I sounded like I was about to cry.

"Is there anything you need me to do for you?" He asked.

I nodded towards the open bathroom door and then pulled the towels around myself.

"I'll shave later," Mr Granger smiled as he got up to leave, "and I'll make sure Hermione and your mother don't crash in on you too."

"Thanks," I managed to say without croaking, then remembered how hard it must be for him to act like a good father to a son he didn't remember and didn't really love, "thanks dad."

"Always time when it comes to you, don't forget."

And with that, he left.

We were never going to be able to explain all this when the memory charms got fixed.

That one day when me and Hermione might get married had just turned into a never.


End file.
